For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Translation: We all screw up. We all have screwed up and we all will screw up again.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Translation: I have screwed up. I have not been obedient to God’s call on my life. Things got hard and I got lazy. I need your prayers please and thank you.
During graduate school my acting teacher taught me a phrase that has stayed with me over the years. I try to live it as best I can and I have shared this philosophy with many of my own students over the years.
Whenever I screw up, for whatever reason, in whatever way, instead of listing all the many reasons why, instead of trying to justify my actions (or in this case my inaction) I try to own up to my mistakes with:
“No excuses, I take full responsibility.”
I haven’t written anything new in almost 5 weeks.
(Oh my gosh! How has that happened? I totally didn’t realize it had been THAT long!)
I haven’t posted a video in over 2 weeks.
I could go on and on telling you why this is (mostly involving two demanding little boys and my own laziness) but the bottom line is I haven’t done it.
The demands of these two are endless and they seem to always be at my hip. There is no alone time and certainly no quiet time. These kids are up by 6/630 am each day and they go ALL DAY LONG.
It is no coincidence that the 5 weeks in which I have not written are the same 5 weeks in which I have been at home with my boys.
Mama, can I have a corndog?
Mama, I want peanut butter and crackers.
Chili Dog, quit eating the wall!
Quit eating the table!
Mama, I want chocolate milk.
Mama, I spilled my chocolate milk.
Mama, my legos are broken!
Mama, can I …
Mama, will you …
Mama, where is …
Mama, Mama, Mama!!!!
But I digress ….
Perhaps I need to step away for a moment to breathe, to pray, to collect my nerves …
But they follow me everywhere!
Really! Seriously! In just in the past 5 minutes I have been writing these sentences there have been at least 7 Mamas!
But, anyway ….
Dog quit barking!!
Oh my gosh. Deep breath. Begin again.
The bottom line is I know that I have been called by God to write. I know that He has called me to use my voice and I know that I haven’t been doing that.
A few weeks ago as I was reading my Bible I kept coming back to the word obey.
Return to the Lord your God and OBEY Him with all your heart and all your soul
OBEY the Lord and follow all His commands
The Lord will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, if you OBEY the Lord your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in the Book of the Law and turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul.
If you love me, you will OBEY what I command
He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and OBEY it.”
That week, I shared with my Bible study group about how God kept showing me over and over to “obey” knowing that He was calling me to obey and clearly hearing that call from Him.
As I sit here this morning I realize that in one of the easiest and simplest ways – maintaining this blog – I have not been obeying God’s call on my life.
Am I following God’s call on my life if I allow the little, day-to-day distractions … spilled drinks, endless legos, peanut and butter crackers for Charlie, corndogs for Smith … to get in the way?
Just now as I write this … I carried the laptop into the bathroom as I went to brush my teeth, I sit it on the counter, notice the toilet, things look strange – never a good sign in a house of boys – I flush the toilet, immediately realize it is stopped up and it begins to overflow – I quickly grab the plunger and fix the problem but not before covering the floor in toilet water
See!! Distractions! Demands!
But that’s life, right?
So now what? What’s next?
1 – I become overwhelmed and discouraged by the fact that I have not been writing. I feel that I have nothing to say, nothing to share, it’s just to hard, maybe this isn’t for me. I stop completely and can’t get the momentum going to begin again.
2 – I think maybe God didn’t call me to do this. Who am I? What do I know? Have I been following a desire of my own heart rather than a call from God?
Shut up!! (That’s to me – not you.) 😉 That’s directed to my own voice in my head, the enemy’s voice in my head … to that voice I say: Shut up!!
I KNOW that He has called me to use my voice. I KNOW that He has called me higher and deeper. I KNOW that I do not want to live this life scared and afraid, worried about what others will think of me. I KNOW that I want to speak His love, His truth boldly. I KNOW that I want to live this life, the life that He has given me, the life that He has raised me to, I KNOW that I want to live this life for Him.
Just because I have not been obeying the call on my life does not negate the fact that He has given me this call.
So what do I do?
Sorry, there is absolutely no athletic bone in my body but, to quote Nike – just do it!
It’s okay if I screwed up, it’s okay if I have been lazy and undisciplined, it’s okay that I haven’t been as obedient to God as I know I should be, as I know I want to be but is this how I want to live my life?
I want to be obedient to His voice, to His call on my life. So I just gotta keep going.
1. Will I screw up again?
2. Will I get lazy again?
3. Will I fall down the rabbit hole of watching too many youtube videos instead of pulling out the computer to write again?
(answers below) 😉
1. Most definitely
2. Of course
3. (hangs head in shame ….) Probably
No excuses! I take full responsibility.
I choose to keep moving forward.
I choose to return to God with all my heart and all my soul.
I choose to acknowledge Him in all my ways.
I choose to use my voice to speak boldly for His glory and His kingdom.
And do you know what happened as I was finishing this post?
Miracle of miracles …
Wonder of wonders …
Smith asked Charlie: “Hey Char, do you want to go in my room and play legos with me?”
That NEVER happens, people!
That is a miracle of God right there!
Thank you Lord!
I know that may seem small and silly and inconsequential to you but you know what it says to me …
If I show up to do God’s work, He will bless me with what I need most.
In this case a few moments of peace to finish this post.
Thank you Jesus!