How I feel after all the junk I’ve been eating
Disclaimer: You’re being warned. 😉 I’m not sure how uplifting or encouraging this post will be. This is just me being as honest as possible with a struggle that many of us face. And, seeing as this post became longer and longer and longer, there will be a part 2 coming soon.
pasta drowning in pesto and cheese
brownies with cream cheese icing slathered on top
chili covered and smothered with cheese and sour cream
These are just a few of the “delicacies” I have ingested over the past few days of being snowed in the house.
But this overindulgence is not merely the result of being snowed in … if I had been able to leave the house I’m sure I would have eaten the same amount of junk with even more crap and most likely some fast food thrown in.
My eating is out of control.
Most of the time I do a fairly good job of living in denial. I just refuse to acknowledge how overweight I am. I’m tall, I tell myself, big-boned. This is just the way God made me and some of us are just not “skinny” people.
As long as my jeans still zip I figure I’m doing okay.
Actually, considering the fact that I’ve worn nothing but pajama pants since last Thursday I really have no way of knowing if my jeans will still zip.
Oh well, no need for pants now …..
But, back to the point ,,,,,
I am fat, y’all.
And it ain’t the p-h-a-t kind.
In order to be at my suggested BMI (body mass index) I should probably lose close to 100 pounds.
Yep, you read that right. One hundred pounds.
I would be thrilled with losing 70-80 pounds. I’ve never been much of an over-achiever. 😉
But where do I even start?
I’ve tried it all to varying degrees of success and usually end up gaining all the weight back anyway – Weight Watchers, Made to Crave, The Daniel Plan, the crazy shake thing
I know what to do but still, I am completely and totally overwhelmed.
I know I should set small goals, focus on losing 5 pounds at at time.
I know I should eat less and move more.
But how? And when?
In my already over-scheduled schedule, when am I going to find time to search for healthy recipes, go to the grocery store, prep and cook food?
How will I afford the healthier foods that either (a) my family won’t eat or (b) they’ll eat it all, saving no leftovers, whereupon forcing me to repeat the whole process the very next day with another round of meal planning, shopping, prepping, and cooking?
And not to mention the (at least!) 30 minutes of exercise I need to complete each day!
No thank you.
I would much rather eat what I want when I want and waste time on facebook, instagram, and youtube then get serious about losing weight.
It’s too hard.
I give up before I even begin.
But (and this is why I am sharing) this is about so much more than just weight loss ….
So I am currently reading Priscilla Shirer’s “Discerning the Voice of God: How to recognize when God is speaking” as part of an online Bible study.
If you’ve read anything I’ve written I think you know I want to know God’s voice. I want to hear Him speak. And I do want to be obedient to Him. But, just like the stubborn, willful child that I am, I don’t always want to do what what He says.
So let me explain …. As I was reading in Shirer’s “Voice of God” this morning I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit saying: “This part right here? This is for you.”
So I sit up a little straighter and get my highlighter at the ready. I read ….
Voice of God: “Have you ever sat in front of a second helping of some incredibly delicious, delectable indulgence and felt like you just couldn’t help … but help yourself?”
Me: Yep, almost every day. But it doesn’t even have to be incredibly delicious or delectable – I’ll eat Charlie’s stale cheese crackers that have been sitting out for days or Smith’s cold, rubbery leftover chicken nuggets. Whatever – my taste buds don’t discriminate.
Voice of God: “I’ll bet you can easily imagine yourself in this scene. You’ve already put away more food than you should have ….”
Voice of God: ” …and your mind and stomach are both sending you clear signals to confirm that.”
Voice of God: “You’re completely full with nowhere left to put another morsel, and you know it.”
Me: Yes. Guilty as charged.
Voice of God: “This is a clear example of the disparity between what the flesh wants and the Spirit wants. “These are in opposition to one another,” the Bible says (Galatians 5:17) warring to see which one you’ll declare the winner today.”
Me: Ouch. If there’s a war taking place between my flesh and the Spirit in terms of what I am eating I almost always give in to my flesh. That is not what God wants of me or from me and this is not what I want to offer to God.
Voice of God: “Paul has the solution. You get in the habit of daily presenting your body as “a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God” (Romans 12:1), so that even your favorite indulgence doesn’t have the last word. If placed before you at a moment when you just know that taking a bite would be contrary to what you’re hearing from the inner voice of God’s Spirit you choose satisfaction in Him, not in second helpings. You let Him win. And the victory ends up being your’s.”
Me: Okay. So I wake up in the morning, I present my body to God as “a living and holy sacrifice” but then what? How do I carry that throughout my day? What does it mean to choose my satisfaction in Him over the candy bar in the vending machine or the pizza in the school cafeteria? I just don’t know if I have the will power.
That’s it. I’m out. This just feels impossible.
I know that the Bible tells us “with God all things are possible” (Luke 19:26) and “Everything is possible for one who believes” (Mark 9:23) and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)
But that’s just not gonna work for me here.
How can Scripture apply to me losing weight?
Why can’t I believe that these verses can apply to weight loss?
I know that God has changed my heart, I know He has changed my thoughts, He has turned my marriage into a miracle so, with all that He has already done for me, why do I still feel that changing my body is impossible?
So this post, this thing that God is doing, is about so much more than weight loss.
Do I really believe the Word of God?
Do I really trust Him to do what He says He will do in all things?
My word for 2016 is LIVE – as in live out the Word of God. So today, as we near the end of January, God has given me my first challenge of the year and, to be honest, I’m not sure that I want it.
Will I sacrifice my wants and desires, the girl scout cookies, the cheeseburgers, the pizza so that my body may be for his glory?
Will I find my satisfaction in Him, in what I choose to feed my soul as opposed to what I feed my stomach?
Will I live on “every word that comes from the mouth of God?” (Matthew 4:4)
Obviously, I don’t have all the answers but I do feel that God is leading me toward this path.
Now I must decide if I am willing to walk this path with God. Currently I am standing at the threshold with my heels dug in, refusing to take the first step.
So I begin by praying, by asking God to change the desires of my heart (and my stomach!), asking for Him to help me believe, and to LIVE out His Word.
God, please do Your work in me. Please change the desires of my body as You have changed the desires of my soul. Please alert my spirit every time I reach for food instead of turn to You. Please help me to treat my body as the temple that it is. Please give me the strength to present my body daily to You as a living and holy sacrifice. With every bite that I put into my mouth please help me remember that my body belongs is You. Please help me to submit to Your will, Your way so that You may do Your work in me. God, I want my life to be for Your glory. I want my body to glorify You. I want to be a woman You can count on. I want to see Luke 19:26 and Mark 9:23 and Philippians 4:13 at work in my life. And even now please help these to be more than words that I say, more than words that I write, please change the desires of my heart so that I may LIVE these words.
In Jesus’ name I pray,